Entry #3 New Add-ons, welcome friends

Graduation was a short relief. No more school and late nights. However, i am given new tasks today. There is this fear of pain that creeps up onto me.

What if i cant handle it? What if i am tasked to fail? What if i am not been recognised for putting the x amount of effort? Sigh. Wth…

Did i ask for it? Yup! Bring it on!

And so, man up and do the damn work. It may be a uphill climb.. so what? It is more important that i get focused and do even better. At least i get some empowerment. Find a solution and get on with it.

Peace!

Turning tables

My boss is difficult to handle. Some people say that it is because he doesnt know what he wants. Or even have the morale courage to stand up for his own employees. His team, his people. He was always seen packing left overs from a buffet spread after events. A peculiar behaviour that detest even his own bosses. Until now he doesnt tell us why he does certain things, no one will understand why he does it. Just like my dad who always places his sister first before his own family.

As a leader for so many years, since primary school days, i have always hoped that i have a team who will look out my well being, especially so when my life and their life is at stake. We have no choice but to…

Work as a team.

To stand ready and to resolve any situation and not to place blame on others so easily in the midst of adversity.

Theres something about my father’s generation that appauls me. They are not strong enough to take hits.

Like my bosses and parents who were born between 1958 to 1973, they tend to be more conservative and refuse to take on challenges. And if there is something to blame, they will take it out on someone else like a scape goat.

And so in view that they are expressing themselves in such a manner, i have decided to take the following action.

1. Annoy them. I will just keep doing my best in what i do and to continue even if the thing that i am doing doesnt make sense to them. Anyway my boss will change in due course.

2. Do what i feel is best for myself. The key word is myself. No longer will i be bothered by why my boss packs leftovers from buffets. Instead, it should be coffee shop talk more than anything else.

3. Learn from these lessons and make sure that it doesnt happen to my family.

Wish me the best of luck as these decisions that i make, is a point of no return. Well at least i am willing to accept the fate that i am a no-body in this forsaken land and working as a nobody somehow takes the burden off my shoulder for the need to try too hard, to always make sure that i abide by the cultural rules placed upon me.

Welcome to MY cultural revolution.

Take a step back

I am currently doing a project that is for myself. Took up the challenge, planned the whole process. Sought for the necessary approvals. Done and now when i attempt to garner support from an external entity as part of the process. I have been shot down.

I was deemed to have done poorly in my staff work for not finding out information before hand. My name has been repeated over and over again for not finding this or that and not briefing the various forums with the relevant information.

Hmm.. pretty out of hand and seems like this particular person that i am trying to work with is all out to smear my name with accusations.

Lesson 1: I accept that i have done poorly. Thanks for the privilege. I will learn from it.

This experience has revealed to me something of the dynamics in my department. The blue eyed people i called them. Apart from the scholars, this blued eye people are the ones favoured by the bosses and their words meant more than anyone else.

Lesson 2: I am not favoured.

Although i do know from the start that this is the case. I wanted to fight. To try to win the hearts of my bosses. But i failed. Failure is hard to swallow nonetheless. But inorder to venture out of misery. I need to accept it and then climb out of it to success. This is what success is all about.

Lesson 3: Noise

All of this is noise. What matters is that this project, regardless on who takes it up , will eventually be rolled out. Thats professionalism. I need to let it go if required. Since i am not the favoured one.

Peace my friend and look to better days ahead.

Horrible staff work

This is bad staff work! Exclaims my boss. And i have been black marked because of this comment. Am i affected? Well writing this post probably insinuates that i am. Rest assure that i am not.

Lost but won.

I have learnt from this experience. An experience that many would not want to venture into. If my immediate supervisor so takes the credit for my hardwork. So be it. It is the culture and nature of my organization. The important thing to note is.

ACCEPTANCE

I have accepted my destiny that this is the manner that this place is. Nonetheless the delight i take out of all this politics are some bite size winnings.

I dont expect to have a pat on my shoulder for the hard work put into this project neither am i expecting a promotion thereafter. What i am expecting is my monthly pay cheques. This is my life. Maybe toblearn a new skill once in a while. That is good enough.

I have embarked on another adventure and i am really excited about it. Everyday when i am engaged in it, it provides me with added confidence.

Does it matter that my boss hates me? Nah not at all. I will just continue to press him to hate me more time after time and annoying him. Now thats delight.

Until maybe, he tells me to leave. I am fine. Have a good evening.

The Mantra

CONFIDENCE.

How to build this strength/ personality? How to go about ensuring that we will be prepared for all the ensuing challenges? It is with confidence.

Confidence gives us the empowerment and strength to face all challenges. It is like standing at the edge of the ledge and knowing that you will be fine even though you are faced with a predicament of falling off  and getting killed. But being able to capture that photo of a lifetime and earning some bragging points may somewhat become an achievement worth dieing for. In fact I rather know that I had died trying to accomplish something that I am proud of doing , rather than not doing anything at all.

In the new world, it is not about living. It is about achievements, accolades and how I can go about acquiring them with these 2 hands, to change the world. Just like how Steve Jobs, Bill Gates or Jack Ma had done so. They are achievers, do you think you can be like them? Sure hell you can.

Now that is proper MERITOCRACY.

Solid achievements are always ventured out by individuals who believes in the unbeaten path. Scholars, are no longer persons who i deemed highly. They are just people with a certain tag line or occupational appointment placed upon them. Eventually, they will be just another person on the streets and they don’t matter too if they continue to depend on the system to climb the ladder. Such as back stabbing their peers to earn their supervisor’s respect etc. In the new world, this is no longer a sustainable approach. Instead, doing things differently, becoming rebellious, are traits that is welcomed and appreciated. Doing things differently takes courage and lots of effort to achieve new benchmarks. We are, naturally, LAZY. We are always hoping to take the easy way out. But is been lazy going to get you to where you want to be? Well honestly, if you continue LAZY, and you die knowing that you have not achieved anything. YOU DESERVED EVERY SINGLE BIT OF IT.

This world is unforgiving. And you need to know that it is so. Like it or not, you will need to build the defenses, the capability to withstand any challenges, to be prepared for calamity that will call at your door and look it in the eye, with confidence and tell it, BRING IT ON, I AM ALL READY FOR YOU. In the manner of how you tell it, with sheer confidence, it will give you the added momentum required to spring yourself into action.

The challenge can smell your fear. So the more fear that you project towards the challenge, the more tough it will get. If the challenge gets tougher than it used to be, it may bring about more pain than usual. Trust me, i do express fear too and it does get more painful at times. However, the most important point is that i do not take flight. No matter how hard it gets, WE FIGHT!

Difficult colleagues

They may have their own story. They may be burnt at their own end and i am not privy to their history. However does it give them the reason to be less empathetic towards their own fellow colleagues? Something tells me that there is more than meets the eye for these colleagues of mine. What makes it even more interesting is that they believed in a group logic.

When tasked with a challenger, they will gang up and attempt to take down the adversary. There’s something about loyalty here that is rather intriguing. However, with a email to her, she is softer and less intimidating. Though i must say that it is easy to say that they are bullies however i may have found the most closest clique in my department.

It may somehow be constructive to explore the basis of this strong bind that this group has. Maybe perhaps it is their bosses ability to defend them from doing more work that has earned her reliability and loyalty.

It may not be the correct attitude that my organization is attempting to imbue in all staff. But i sense the leadership to be strong here. Let me continue to poke further and test the binds in the group. If the group eventually does take on the work and does it willingly after knowing that they have given their fight. Then i have found my answer.

This is an eureka moment!