Hold up a steady state

My wife is is difficult at times. Thats the challenge for someone who has a hard time expressing her feelings. Or is open to sharing her struggle with me. It may be that she does not want to place the burden onto me and that she wants to go through it by herself. The only thing that happens is i become collateral.

If i am going to face the brunt of it, shouldnt i be kept aware of her struggles so that i can be mentally prepared of her emotional and downs? Though unfair, i am not given this benefit. Instead, i have to be on the ready at all times and take on the hits thrown by her.

And sometimes, it hurts real bad.

We will be travelling in the coming week and it always worries me that the wife, says something really insensitive and hurts me real bad. And i can tell you, her comments are really hurtful.

I have been grilled many times and time after time it felt like a badminton racquet taking on the serve and returning it to another, not knowing when will the net on the racquet will break. On so let me be honest. I can still break just when. I am so hoping that she would one day come into realization and have changed for the better.

That day is not today.

And so just like in my previous post, i need to empower myself and to be the one who takes the lead.

If the situation calls for me to get really angry, it is the most important time to remain steady, have an open mind and react in the most ideal state.

At times i do feel that i am an actor. At times i do feel fake but it gains respect. I have to do it nonetheless.

Although i cant determine the results, i need to do my best so that at least i put the effort necessary for a positive outcome.

If no effort is given, it will definitely be a negative outcome.

If i had tried, there is a chance the outcome will be a positive.

Focus.

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