Heavy Heart

Heaviness, disappointment and distrust.

It was just yesterday when i shared with my fellow colleagues on the reason to be enthusiastic, to be driven towards a new cause, but was shot down just the day after.

It felt good just yesterday, but yesterday turned out to be a long time ago. It ruined my weekend, it ruined how i felt about myself. Yes, i allowed this soreness to hit me. In rocky’s words “I allowed them to stick their finger in my face and tell me that i am no good”.

I agree that i have not achieved success compared to my compatriots, in fact i am no where near them. I am not a scholar neither am i a person with 30 years of work experience. I hate it when they attempt to shoot me down with alot of concerns. Fear, is not an option for me. If i were to fear in anything that i do, then i will not be able to proceed into this new adventure as it is laid out with lots of traps. Many things could go wrong and my family will sustain collateral damage.

I need to be creative, i need to try and when met with challenges, to face it with the utmost ferocity so that i will not freeze in the moment.

This is war. This is not to be taken lightly unfortunately my colleagues may not see it that way.  They have under estimated the amount of pressure that i have placed upon myself to see towards the success of our project. I am disappointed and am feeling let down. What can i do? Am I being overtly sensitive? I am frustrated with this particular colleague and my boss supports this colleague’s right to be doubting my intend of the question.

I am beginning to distrust my colleagues and that they do not look towards the best for me. I need to empower myself, to protect my interests and to stand firm. Not to allow these persons to ruin my passion. It has been started and i need to see it through.

The ultimatum.

I need to put forth my expectations to my colleagues. It should scare them. And if it doesn’t sit well with them, i need to be ready to pull the plug.  I need to be ready to run alone. I need to increase my value so that they can think twice before they actually try to doubt my intentions again.

All the best dear me.

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